[Trombone-l] Suter's Surgeries

[mikesuter@roadrunner.com]

<<So what happened this time. I understand you've not played in 2 years.>>

Not completely true. Counting 2 Kenton Alumni Band tours and 4 days for Ken Poston I've played 37 dates. Since June 12, 2007 (Friday will be the 2-year anniversary) I've had 11 surgeries (so please excuse me if I haven't been sympathetic for you kiddies who have taken months off with chipped teeth and/or tired lips). I still want to play some debut gigs with Slidewerke - actually a tour - but that'll have to wait until I can use my arms again. I've promised Eli that I'll use part of my time off to finish my "Boring Stuff" book. But here's the latest info on my latest surgery.
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My right arm and shoulder have been hurting for quite some time. By the end of the Kenton Alumni Band tour in May I was having a LOT of trouble reaching past 3rd position. So when I got home I made an appointment to see the surgeon who replaced my left knee. An MRI showed a torn right rotator cuff and some further damage that he wouldn’t be sure of until he actually got inside. Since my right arm was pretty useless by this point, we scheduled surgery ASAP (June 4th).
 
After he opened me up he indeed found a lot more damage: Yes, my rotator cuff was 
torn. We knew that. But we hadn’t realized that it was eroded completely through in places. It was also completely disengaged at the front. Four tendons were detached, along with a couple of ligaments. And my bicep and triceps muscles were both torn. So after he repaired the rotator cuff damage he did a very simple version of “Tommy John” surgery to reattach the tendons and ligaments. The muscles will heal with rest (maybe I'll pitch for the Tigers next year after all). 
I have absolutely no idea how most of the damage happened. It might just be 64 years of wear & tear. Nevertheless, as I went in this past Thursday morning at 6am I was looking forward to getting the repair work done so I could get back to playing as soon as possible. As she wheeled me into the O.R. at 7:30am the nurse told me they’d be waking me up in a couple of hours with my right arm in a sling. 
You can imagine my surprise when I awoke in recovery at 4pm with BOTH arms tethered. 
The recovery nurse wouldn’t tell me anything except that I needed to wait and speak with my surgeon. At this point I had all sorts of scenarios rushing through my pea-brain. I was so scared you’d think I was a sax player.
When my doc arrived he was VERY apologetic. It seems when they pulled me to a sitting position to reattach a tendon to my right shoulder blade area there was a loud ‘pop’ from my LEFT shoulder. 

They broke my left collarbone!! 
 
… or so he thought ... 
 
Even through my haze I remembered something that let him off the hook: Through no one’s fault but mine I had tripped going up the stairs in our apartment one morning last week and caught the handrail at the last possible moment with my left hand. As I swung backwards my arm pulled taut and my left shoulder popped. 
It hurt like hell right then. But after a few extra Norco (eat ‘em like candy) the pain was somewhat manageable, so I didn’t worry about it anymore. Besides, compared to my right shoulder the pain in my left was nuthin’. 
I think that’s when I either broke or weakened it. I remember I was gonna mention something about this to my doc in our pre-op appointment, but we got so focused on the main problem that I didn't want to jeopardize or possibly postpone the surgery by bringing it up. Besides, what could happen? Right? Shit! 
It was the exact opposite of what I teach in my classes. Stupid. 
Anyway, so now I’m wearing a sling & support for my right arm and a belt tether for my left arm. 
I know this is all for the best, but it is SO friggin' annoying. Today (Wednesday) is the first day I’ve been able to sit and type– right hand only. I can make coffee. I can prepare some foods (I’m not strong or stable enough to use a knife for cutting stuff). I can take a shower as long as I use a garbage bag poncho to keep my shoulders dry (I look so cute). Getting out of a chair or bed is an adventure. The stairs scare me half to death. 
In the words of my favorite fictional detective, Nero Wolfe, “Phui!” 
 
There’s something very important I need to say here: please, Please, PLEASE, don’t e-mail any heart-felt best wishes or send any maudlin get-well cards to me. Aaa, you know the deal. I hate that crap. What I’m going through for the next few weeks is nuthin’ compared to what some other folks are dealing with every day of their lives. So instead, call somebody you haven't talked to in too long a while. We all have friends we’ve ignored for too long. Call them now. They'll love you for it.

Besides, now - instead of ‘pain’ – ‘repair’ is the catchword for the twenty-first century. As little as twenty-five years ago what would remain after all the surgeries I've had in the past 23 months would be a lifetime of pain and suffering. But now, in eight weeks or so it'll be as if none of this ever happened. There will be little-to-no pain, and my right arm and shoulder will work better than they have in decades. I can put up with 8 weeks of annoyance for that. 
Instead, my sympathies go to the folks who don't have access, or are too afraid to seek it. But that's another soapbox for another venue. 
 
M (Maybe I can borrow a left-handed cimbasso. Screw it. I'll build one.) S