[Trombone-l] Don't pull your F slide out too far

[Dave Tall]

or you'll owe B. P. Leonard of the University of Akron some patent fees. 

United States Patent  5,375,499
Leonard  December 27, 1994 

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Single trigger perfect fifth slide bass trombone


Abstract
A slide trombone is provided which has an attachment that is activated 
by a single thumb trigger to lower the basic pitch of the trombone by a 
perfect fifth. This attachment configuration permits the player to play 
all the chromatic tones between the tenor range and the pedal notes 
using a standard length slide.


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Inventors:  Leonard; B. P. (Akron, OH) 
Assignee: The University of Akron (Akron, OH)
 
Appl. No.:  08/064,961
Filed:  May 18, 1993

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I'm comforted to know that the USPTO's policy of granting trivial 
patents for inventions with prior art and/or obvious to someone skilled 
in the subject isn't limited to software and business process patents, 
but includes stunning and heretofore unimagined inventions such as a 
bass trombone with a single valve tuned to Eb.

Mr. Leonard also has a patent on an inline bass trombone with the thumb 
valve tuned to a minor third and the finger valve tuned to 
"approximately six semitones". 

These are nearly as impressive as patent 6368227, "Method of swinging on 
a swing", and patent 5443036, "Method of exercising a cat" (using a 
laser pointer).

What a country!