[Trombone-l] Fw: trombone control laws

[Dave Demko]

Thanks for this important safety information.

> It is believed that the new source of these WMD's are isolated
> factories in rural areas of China .

Question: What does WMD stand for here, Wind-instruments of Massive Decibels?


On 4/26/07, Charles Levine <chardy2 at totcon.com> wrote:
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "ellen finn" <ellenlfinn at hotmail.com>
> To: <chardy2 at totcon.com>; <boneworld8 at hotmail.com>
> Sent: Thursday, May 03, 2007 10:41 AM
> Subject: Fw: trombone control laws
>
>
> >
> >>Thought you'd get a kick outta this....  See ya soon!
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>LONG OVER DUE TROMBONE CONTROL LAWS.
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>   WASHINGTON, D.C. - Each year thousands are people are killed, maimed or
> >>annoyed by trombones. The statistics of head, neck and even   shoulder
> >>injuries sustained by reed players, french horn and string sections seated
> >>within reach of the deadly seventh position are truly shocking ... not to
> >>mention forced early retirement due to ever- increasing hearing problems
> >>reported by classical musicians of all types who are forced to play the
> >>music of Wagner, Mahler and Brahms, as well as the hundreds of alumni of
> >>the
> >>Herman, Ferguson and Kenton bands and OKOM
> >>devotees of Kid Ory, Jack Teagarden, Abe Lincoln Jim Robinson and Lee
> >>Gifford.
> >>
> >>    There is current legislation pending in Congress to restrict the
> >> sale
> >>of trombones and equip them with child-safety devices. The influential
> >>trombone lobby is, of course, opposed to this.  There have even been
> >>several
> >>proposals for requiring a so-called "trigger lock" on all bass trombones!
> >>Every year there are reports of hundreds of innocent children, attracted
> >>by
> >>the shiny brass and smooth, seductive curves of an unattended instrument
> >>on
> >>a stand in the corner of a room or in an unlocked case who are traumatized
> >>for life by the attempts of a  playmate to get a sound out of it, or who
> >>may
> >>suffer a collapsed lung or the effects of hyperventilation by trying the
> >>same effort themselves! The
> >>owner's feeble "I didn't know the slide was unlocked" is no excuse!
> >>
> >>Trombones should be stored out of reach of children.  Efforts to enact a
> >>mandatory 10-day waiting period to purchase a
> >>Trombone - which would simply allow a reasonable period of time for   law
> >>enforcement officials to cross-check the purchaser's name against an
> >>International list of registered trombone offenders and Slide-O-Mix
> >>addicts,
> >>  have been repeatedly thwarted by the powerful Conn-Selmer-Yamaha (CSY)
> >>lobby.     Law enforcement officials are particularly alarmed over the
> >>increase in crimes involving use of the "sawed-off" trombone or "sackbut."
> >>Legislation is also pending in several progressive states, including New
> >>York and California, to make carrying a concealed alto trombone a Class A
> >>felony!
> >>
> >>    Some Governors feel that there are sufficient laws already on the
> >>books that simply need stricter enforcement - such as the 1932
> >>nation-wide ban of screw-on bells, the indiscriminate use of Pond's  Cold
> >>Cream or KY Jelly and unsupervised emptying of spit valves on public
> >>property.  Filthy unsanitary habit which will help spread the flu this
> >>year.
> >>  One popular response to the spread of delinquent behavior is the
> >>imposition
> >>of mandatory longer sentences for those using a trombone while committing
> >>a
> >>crime ("Use a trombone - Go to jail").
> >>
> >>Surveillance video tapes have proven especially effective in identifying
> >>violators of this statute because career criminals have often tried to
> >>avoid
> >>convictions by having their lawyers insist that what eye-witnesses
> >>reported
> >>as a trombone was really only an AK-47 or other legal assault weapon.
> >>Strict
> >>enforcement has been especially effective when used in conjunction with
> >>the
> >>new "Three sharps, you're out" statutes that have already been approved by
> >>many state legislatures.
> >>
> >>    Of course the automatic and semi-automatic valved models - both
> >> piston
> >>and the middle-European rotary, are much more dangerous than the
> >>traditional
> >>single valve trombone. Interpol has also reported  the sudden appearance
> >>of
> >>of rear-blasting Cavalry models that were thought to have been completely
> >>eliminated during the Great Confiscation, Mandated by the 1918 Treaty of
> >>Versailles signed by  representatives of every civilized country of the
> >>period.   You may recall that those instruments were melted down and
> >>became
> >>an integral part of the Trans-Atlantic Telephone Cable that helped to
> >>unite
> >>America and   Europe .  It is believed that the new source of these WMD's
> >>are isolated factories in rural areas of China . The awesome destructive
> >>power of the double trigger bass trombone could never have been imagined
> >>by
> >>the
> >>founding fathers when they granted us the right to keep and bear arms.
> >>
> >>    Remember: When trombones are outlawed, only outlaws will play "I'm
> >>Getting Sentimental Over You."
> >>
> >>    (author Albert Manglesdorf)
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>
> >>No virus found in this incoming message.
> >>Checked by AVG Free Edition.
> >>Version: 7.5.467 / Virus Database: 269.6.2/784 - Release Date: 5/1/2007
> >>2:57
> >>PM
> >>
> >
> >
>
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